Ted Haggard Cured in Three Weeks

This just in from the Denver Post. Ted Haggard is not gay! Haggard, who is apparently ready to jet off to Iowa or Missouri to become a psychologist, told a four-member oversight board that after three weeks of intense counseling he is now “completely heterosexual” and that “his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser” according to one of the pastors on that board. Amazing. And James Dobson said it would take 4 or 5 years!

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Latest Study Reveals Actual Cause of Homosexuality – Coors Beer

Myself and another person with whom I work have recently conducted our own scientific study (scientific at least to the extent of most of the radical rights requirements), and we’ve determined that the cause of homosexuality must be Coors Beer. Well actually, that’s not completely true…it’s the Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water.

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Now I’m Confused About the Cause of Homosexuality

I’ve written previously about how Robert Knight, the male head of Concerned Women for America, had determined that drinking Orange Juice is the cause of homosexuality. Now it seems that James Rutz, chairman of Megashift Ministries and founder-chairman of Open Church Ministries, has determined that soy bean products are the cause of queerness. Can someone clear this up for me?

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